Dear Professor Blackstone,
I hope this message finds you well. My name is Kai Jie, and I am currently a Year1 student at Singapore Institute of Technology, majoring in Civil engineering. I am writing to introduce myself and share my enthusiasm for this module.
A few years back, I was still a curious student after O level, free to do what I wanted to and experience new things I had never tried before. My academic journey began with a deep passion for the biotechnology, a medical field that has always fascinated me with its potential to transform lives. However, as I progressed in my studies, I found myself facing challenges that made me reflect on my strengths and where I could make the most impact. This introspection led me to switch to engineering, a discipline where I discovered a strong alignment with my skills and interests. While my passion for biotechnology remains, I am excited to channel my enthusiasm for innovation and problem-solving into the engineering field, where I feel empowered to thrive and contribute meaningfully.
I enjoy staying active and healthy through a mix of exercising routines, whether it’s hitting the gym or exploring the outdoors for a refreshing run. Whenever I have completed hours of continuous studying, I like to have a game of League of Legends to reward myself and relief my stress. Thus this routine keeps me on the track, and prioritize finishing my work before playing.
My strength is being able to voice out my opinion and stand up to things that are wrong. Moreover, I often see the big picture and observe what have to be focused and improved on. Hence, this saves me the trouble of starting on an idea that may not be fundamentally right and discovering its cons afterwards and redoing over and over again. For example during the brainstorming of ideas in a small group, I contribute ideas and consider factors that are favorable to us in order to proceed smoothly. On the other hand, I seldom step out of my comfort zone, which is my greatest weakness. However when time arises and there is a need to step up, I will still do my best and accomplish what is assigned to me.
In a nutshell, I hope this module sharpens my English skills and in the long run shape me into a confident speaker.
Best regards,
Kai Jie
(Year 1 undergraduate)
Edited with Charmaine's and Wen Han's comments on 20 January 2025
Edited with Aravin's and Yi Zhe's comments on 21 January 2025
Commented to Aravin's, Charmaine's and Kai Sheng's blog on 19 January 2025.
Hello Kai Jie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. It was interesting to learn about your journey from biotechnology to civil engineering and how your passion for innovation drives you. Your strengths in voicing opinions and focusing on key ideas are well-explained, adding depth to your reflection. The organization of your letter is clear and well written. Language-wise, refining tense usage and correcting minor errors like “relief” to “relieve” would improve clarity.
Overall, this is an engaging and reflective introduction that showcases your unique background and aspirations. With a few adjustments, it will be even more impactful but it is okay we are all still learning and lets improve together!
Thank you!
To Aravin,
DeleteThank your for the comment, I realized that I need to watch out for my Grammer mistakes. Thanks for the feedback and I appreciate it!
Hi Kai Jie,
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion your English skills is great seeing how your letter has a smooth flow of content that makes it easy to read. Very well-constructed, clear on academic background, lifestyle and it does provide more depth of your personality. However in terms of fairness, there are way more strengths than weakness written. It's not a bad thing though and overall it was a really interesting read!
To chermaine,
DeleteThanks for the feedback and I will work on the fairness for each qualities to make the letter as a whole more convincing!
Hey Kai Jie,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your letter and got to know more about you. In my opinion, I felt that the introduction effectively establishes your identity and context. Your transition from biotech to engineering is well explained and demonstrates self awareness. The language use in your letter is clear and conveys your thoughts effectively, the inclusion of personal details makes the letter engaging and relatable. Overall, I did the letter was excellent and was very interesting.
To Yi zhe, thanks for the feedback and I appreciate it!
DeleteHi Kai Jie
ReplyDeleteYour letter is well-structured and conveys your enthusiasm effectively, but it could benefit from greater clarity and conciseness. The introduction and conclusion are clear, though transitions between sections could be smoother. Your academic journey is well-articulated, but some sentences are overly wordy and could be simplified for impact. Sharing your hobbies adds a personal touch, but connecting them to transferable skills would strengthen their relevance. There are minor grammatical errors and informal phrases that could be revised for a more polished tone. Overall, the letter is engaging and professional, but refining the language and organization will enhance its effectiveness.
To Wen Han,
DeleteYour suggestion to connect my hobbies to transferable skills is valuable, and I will incorporate that to make them more relevant. I will be more aware of grammatical errors and informal phrases to polish the tone further. Thanks for the feedback!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Kai Jie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well articulated and informative letter. You address the points of the brief quite well.
You describe, for example, your earlier interest and study of biotechnology, and you detail how you made the shift to engineering based on a growing "enthusiasm for innovation and problem-solving." I also appreciate that change and you sharing your newfound passion.
In your letter, you also mention your love of "staying active and healthy," which you illustrate, and you alude to other interests. (Kudos for the fitness kick!)
You also do a fine job overviewing the comm skills you see as being noteworthy and your aims for the module. We will address your need to "step out of my comfort zone" in the module going forward.
In terms of your language use, this letter is a very good effort. There is, however, one sentence that I'd like you to take note of:
A few years back, I am still a curious student after O level, .... > (verb tense issue) ?
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
To Prof Blackstone:
DeleteThank you so much for the feedback and I appreciate it! I will be wary of my tenses used and improve on the letter.
Best regards,
Kai Jie